mother’s Day Expectations
They took me to Fazoli's.
It was a Sunday morning, and it was Mother's Day. The morning was hurried and frazzled, as many Sunday mornings are. Nothing seemed to go smoothly with the kids, and to top it all off, my hubby and I were super tense with each other. And, NO ONE even said, "Happy Mother's Day."
I was disappointed and felt unseen by my family. It was supposed to be MY DAY. And no one even cared. I was sulking in my skin, and the pity party was rocking. And then, to top it all off, in recognition of Mother's Day, they took me to Fazoli's, Italian fast food. This was not my idea of a special Mother's day lunch.
Fortunately, the Lord was gentle and kind to me. I realized that the problem was not what I didn't get. It was what I expected to get. My friend Lindsay Lambert taught me this principle: You always lose with expectations. You either are disappointed when they are not met, or you are not grateful when they are.
This mother's day turned into a lesson in expectations. I chose the reactions to the typical Sunday morning hurry. I decided to be disappointed with the lack of words of love and recognition of my mothering. I was offended that the lunch that day was not my choice on "my day." I could have chosen grace, giggles, and gratitude.
Do I ever struggle with unmet expectations or lack of gratitude? Yes. But on Mother's Day? NOPE! I am now always grateful for the hand-drawn picture. I delight in every hug, and I am just so tickled with every big or small gesture. I don't expect ANYTHING on Mother's Day, so I am always full of delight!
Now, if I could just learn this lesson for all the days of my life! I am so grateful that Jesus delights in the journey of growth in my life. And most of all, I am so thankful that He is faithful to meet the expectations (promises) He has told us we can be sure He will satisfy. Oh Lord, teach us to release people from our expectations!
"Since we are receiving our rights to an unshakable kingdom, we should be extremely thankful and offer God the purest worship that delights his heart as we lay down our lives in absolute surrender, filled with awe." Hebrews 12:28
~Karna Atkinson
GIVING GRACE
Years ago, I made a decision to give others the benefit of the doubt, to believe the best in them before assuming the worst. That decision brings a lot of freedom to relationships. It was a choice to wrap my heart around the child-like faith that people aren’t trying to behave poorly, trying to get it wrong, or making stupid mistakes on purpose. Here are some definitions for “benefit of the doubt”:
1) The state of accepting something/someone as honest or deserving of trust even though there are doubts.
2) To default to a belief that another person’s intentions are honest, and not assume malice when there is uncertainty or doubt surrounding the circumstances.
3) To decide that you will believe someone, even though you are not sure that what the person is saying is true.
4) The withholding of judgment so as to retain a favorable or at least neutral opinion of someone or something when the full information about the subject is not yet available.
5) A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.
I might behave poorly but I never intentionally choose poor behavior. Why would I assume that of others? When you give people the benefit of the doubt it allows you to believe the best in others and it brings out the best in yourself. Any of us can have bad days that can lead to bad moments. Life is not perfect, and none of us are either.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt can help offset our offendable hearts. It takes us out of the center of our small story and everything being about us. It is a way that we can honor others, even when they may not deserve it. I am simply giving away the gift of grace that God has given to me. And we cannot outgive the Gift-Giver. Do I really think that a friend running late, someone cancelling plans, my husband not emptying the dishwasher, or another spouting a short, hurtful comment or having a bad moment is really some plan against me? The truth is that all of their behaviors are for reasons other than me. It isn’t a plot to irritate my heart.
If we are to obey the Lord and love the way that scripture tells us to, then we are to never give up hope that we are all learning and becoming better. The Lord loves us unconditionally and is so patient with us. He sees our sinful nature and still chooses to extend us grace and new mercies every morning. Don’t you think it’s time we gave each other a break and cut each other some slack? Imagine the peace if we all started extending the benefit of the doubt. Our offendable heart is a tool of the enemy to rob us of better, more fulfilling relationships. Let go of the offense!
~Roxanne Parks
1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.28 Breathe Roxanne Parks 29
Romans 12:10 (NIV)
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
An excerpt from The YouVersion Bible Plan called: The Search for the Unoffendable Heart
THE ANATOMY OF OFFENSE
Offense can be defined as something that outrages the moral or physical senses, the act of displeasing or affronting. Everyone is certain to feel offended at one point or another. The problem with living offended is that it doesn’t hurt someone else … it hurts you. Like unforgiveness and bitterness, offense is a poison that we choose to drink only hoping that the other person, our offender, will be affected. Just because we have the right to be offended doesn’t mean that we should be offended. I desperately want a life that is truly free and “floats above” an offense. A life at peace with all men.
Generally, we experience offense in two stages. Stage one is actually feeling the offense. Maybe your pulse starts to rise, your emotions may rise, you may even get angry. Stage two is the choice whether or not to live offended. The resulting life impact of an offensive situation is my choice. It may sting, but the continuing pain of the sting is my choice.
Typically, when people find themselves tired, stressed, hungry/hangry, or lonely, they may be more easily offended. I love the way that Lysa Terkeurst says, “A depleted girl can quickly become a defeated girl when she lets her emotions dictate her reactions.” Whenever I am living in my self-centered nature, I tend to be more easily offended which is the ultimate display of me living in the center of my smaller story. When I am walking in the “Bigger Story” of God’s greater purposes, then I am not as easily offended.
The Word of God tells us that love COVERS a multitude of sin, and it is to a man’s glory to overlook an offense. Scripture also reminds us that a fool is easily annoyed and that the prudent man overlooks an insult. We must not forget that each of us can inadvertently offend others as well. It goes both ways. Do I want to be the victim of the offense? Do I want to stay a victim of the offense? We choose if we want to drink the poison. Are you easily annoyed? Being unoffendable is a healthy choice and a pathway to our own peace of mind. My pastor reminds us that “our lives are too short, and our callings are too great to be offended about something small.”
Do you easily forgive and overlook the offense? Or do you choose to wallow around in being easily offended?
Consider these Scriptures:
Proverbs 19:11
A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Ephesians 4:2-3
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
~Roxanne
An excerpt from The YouVersion Bible Plan called: The Search for the Unoffendable Heart
Don’t be afraid of your weaknesses
I am learning that weaknesses are not our enemy. I recently heard Rich Wilkerson Jr. say that weaknesses are our protection, and this makes sense when our real predator might be pride. Honestly, I used to fear my weaknesses as I tend to want to be AWESOME at everything. As you can imagine, that is exhausting and brings a constant flow of shame and discouragement.
Lately, I am finding it helpful to be aware of my strengths and discover my weaknesses. For example, focus is a strength of mine, and I am also mindful that I can focus so wholly that I ignore the people who are more important than the task I am completing. We all have weaknesses that I believe are specifically designed for us. Consider the example we have in Paul.
Paul was aware of his “thorn” in his flesh. He says, “The extraordinary level of the revelations I’ve received is no reason for anyone to exalt me. For this is why a thorn in my flesh was given to me, the Adversary’s messenger sent to harass me, keeping me from becoming arrogant. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to relieve me of this. But he answered me, 'My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.' So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. So I’m not defeated by my weakness, but delighted! For when I feel my weakness and endure mistreatment—when I’m surrounded with troubles on every side and face persecution because of my love for Christ—I am made yet stronger. For my weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 TPT
Here are three things to glean from Paul's confession (that any of us could write).
Our weaknesses more often are in our minds rather than physical. Even if we struggle physically, the battleground remains in our minds. Take note of where the "adversary" attacks your thoughts. Know that the Lord uses this to invite you away from arrogance and TO humility.
I tend to want to hide my weaknesses. The problem with this is that God is more deeply seen in my life when I expose them! Think about the life of Christ. None of the miracles are miracles without pain, suffering, and even death being brought to THE light. Therefore, CELEBRATE your weaknesses because a miracle might just be around the corner.
Jesus doesn't ask for your strength. He asks for your surrender. That's a relief. I used to think that God was so disappointed in my lack of awesomeness. But instead, He is just so tickled pink that I would bring Him all of my weakness.
He says His grace is sufficient, and it's actually MORE than sufficient. He doesn't just fill in the gaps, so everything is adequate. He shows off HIS power through us.
I can see His eyes twinkling when we wave that white flag. Can you?
~Karna Atkinson
What are you tethered to?
Have you ever had days where you feel like you are about to suffocate under the stress and burdens of a full life? Do you ever feel like no matter how much you love God and others, you still struggle with feeling like a failure as a mom, wife, and friend at times? Do you ever feel as though the life you’re living is not how life was supposed to be? Do you need some extra oxygen for your soul?
I once knew a woman who came home every night and saw dishes piled up, kids who were illusive and distant, and a spouse with whom she couldn’t connect. She was overwhelmed by the very life that she had dreamed about. She carried a lingering feeling that she didn’t have what it took to balance all that was on her plate. Surely she wasn’t enough. She felt like a failure as a mom, a wife, and a manager of her home.
I also knew a woman who had such a heart for the Lord and His work but seemed to always find herself so distracted from what mattered most as she was drowning in the immediate and the urgent. She valued quality time with her family, her personal fitness, and time to meditate on scripture but found herself buried in mundane things like laundry and dishes. Her heart was purely set on her priorities, but her days were filled with taunting distractions.
A few years earlier, I knew a sensitive woman who seemed to live offended by the poor behaviors of “those” people in her life. Once she heard her friend speak critically behind her back and she could never shake the offense. The offense penetrated her soul, but she yearned to not live offended and separated from her friend or her people. Was she strong enough to navigate harshness in others? She needed tougher skin.
Or the woman who spent too many days racing on the performance treadmill in an exhausting race with herself and those she compared herself with. She had a resume full of empty titles that proved her ability, but her plates were always spinning and often falling to the ground. She wondered if all this was just an effort in futility. Was it all a “vanity of vanity” as is written in Ecclesiastes? Or a “chasing after the wind”? She was desperately seeking a true and intimate rest for her soul, not just a rest from her activities.
And lastly, I knew a woman who was overwhelmed by all the voices going through her head leading to all the choices that she needed to make. Should she do it this way or that way? Yes or no? Now or later? With them or others? Scold them or not? So many choices! So many voices. Which decision was the right decision to make? Anxiety became her norm. She was sinking into a depression from the overwhelm of the noise.
Actually, guess what? All those women mentioned above are me!
Zechariah 4:6 states, “Not by my power, nor by my might BUT by the Spirit of the Lord.” The indwelling Spirit gives us the power to live FROM His wisdom and strength versus the daily exhaustion of living FOR Him. It is 100 percent up to God to empower us to live in His will, in His way … BUT it is 100 percent up to us to yield and invite Him to do so.
I invite you to breathe in the Holy Spirit power that has been given to you in order to live from the place of freedom and rest that is your Christian privilege … Christ in you, the hope of glory! Tether your heart and your peace of mind to the character of God and not to this world, the news, other people, or circumstances.
Do you want to breathe deeply, peacefully, joyfully, and fully alive?
Come, and let’s receive the Lord’s breath together!
~Roxanne Parks
MIracles at the table
Preston and I bought our first little house one year into our marriage. I have no idea why they loaned us the money because we had nothing but newlywed love to prove we could pay the mortgage. We moved into our little 1950's house, and we began the inviting.
We immediately invited our church over, where they prayed over our home. And then the dinners with friends started. We discipled college-aged students (because we were so wise and experienced since we had graduated a couple of years earlier). Countless young adults in transition lived in our bedrooms upstairs. We became foster parents. And then ministry life began, where I can't even count the women's Bible studies and whole church events that happened in our home.
Our home has always been full. And I have always loved it that way.
My mom told me in that first tiny house, "Things don't have to be perfect to invite people in, Karna. True hospitality has nothing to do with the perfect food, clean house, and entertaining." I thought that sounded good, but my perfectionist ways and love affair with the praise of man fought the truth of that statement in my mind for so many years.
So, yes. I have practiced hospitality. However, my heart has as often been robbed of the true joy in the war for perfection. I have been the woman who frantically fluffed pillows and shoved laundry in the closet minutes before the knock on the door. I have been the woman ordering my kids around to pick up ALL THE THINGS. I have sent my husband to the store in a frenzy to get the forgotten thing. I have tried to have the facade of perfection and not let the world know that I am actually human and a beautiful mess.
But, I have gone to war with these robbers of joy. And I have some secrets to offering hospitality without losing your mind and, more importantly, making space for Jesus to do some lovely work in others' lives and YOUR life.
Close doors to the messes. It's fine. Or don't. It's fine.
Extend the invite a few hours before dinner. Have pizza. No one expects anything gourmet or a tablecloth when invited on the fly.
Use paper plates and plastic silverware. People are often more comfortable.
Only offer water to drink. People don't drink enough of it.
Pick an easy meal that is an easy go-to meal. Tacos, taco soup, spaghetti, or cereal. It's fine.
Consider not doing the dishes when people are still there. (I learned this from a sweet woman who said she loved to wash dishes after everyone left as she thought about all the lovely memories that were made.)
Consider allowing your guests to help clean up and do dishes. The kitchen is holy ground for fellowship.
There is no law that you must practice hospitality. However, Jesus sure seemed to enjoy it when He was here. He performed miracles, taught the truth that brought freedom, and even served his disciples around tables. Jesus met people there. And I suspect, He is still doing that today: meeting people around the table. I just don't want to miss it.
~Karna Atkinson
A weapon for good: The Benefit of the Doubt
Years ago, I made a decision to give others the benefit of the doubt, to believe the best in them before assuming the worst. That decision brings a lot of freedom to relationships. It was a choice to wrap my heart around the child-like faith that people aren’t trying to behave poorly, trying to get it wrong, or making stupid mistakes on purpose. Here are some definitions for “benefit of the doubt”:
1) The state of accepting something/someone as honest or deserving of trust even though there are doubts.
2) To default to a belief that another person’s intentions are honest, and not assume malice when there is uncertainty or doubt surrounding the circumstances.
3) To decide that you will believe someone, even though you are not sure that what the person is saying is true.
4) The withholding of judgment so as to retain a favorable or at least neutral opinion of someone or something when the full information about the subject is not yet available.
5) A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.
I might behave poorly but I never intentionally choose poor behavior. Why would I assume that of others? When you give people the benefit of the doubt it allows you to believe the best in others and it brings out the best in yourself. Any of us can have bad days that can lead to bad moments. Life is not perfect, and none of us are either.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt can help offset our offendable hearts. It takes us out of the center of our small story and everything being about us. It is a way that we can honor others, even when they may not deserve it. I am simply giving away the gift of grace that God has given to me. And we cannot outgive the Gift-Giver. Do I really think that a friend running late, someone cancelling plans, my husband not emptying the dishwasher, or another spouting a short, hurtful comment or having a bad moment is really some plan against me? The truth is that all of their behaviors are for reasons other than me. It isn’t a plot to irritate my heart.
If we are to obey the Lord and love the way that scripture tells us to, then we are to never give up hope that we are all learning and becoming better. The Lord loves us unconditionally and is so patient with us. He sees our sinful nature and still chooses to extend us grace and new mercies every morning. Don’t you think it’s time we gave each other a break and cut each other some slack? Imagine the peace if we all started extending the benefit of the doubt. Our offendable heart is a tool of the enemy to rob us of better, more fulfilling relationships. Let go of the offense!
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)
~Roxanne Parks
Baby Steps
Many people cannot stand the idea of “goal setting." I have a friend that never sets goals because she said “I have felt like a total failure with goal setting. It's like I set myself up to fail.” Oh, my heart went out to her. I do not believe that goal setting is to lead us to feelings of failure but instead to set a path before us. It can be used as an avenue of accountability, guidance or motivation. My friend has decided that she prefers the idea of “well formed outcomes” instead. I like that too! In either case, the Lord says in Proverbs 29:18 that a man without a vision shall perish. Basically “if you don't know where you are going then how will you know whenever you get there?”
Well…can I please talk to you about the power of “baby steps” in my life? This has been a game changer for me. Often times I dream big "God-sized" thoughts like having a great marriage till death do us part or like raising a God-fearing close-knit family… not to mention homeschooling our 4 children. You know…"God-sized" thoughts. What has helped me tremendously is the idea of eating that elephant just one bite at a time. Just do THE NEXT RIGHT THING! In the next 12 hours…do all the right and righteous things. Feed the dog, love the husband, feed the children, call your momma. Simple BABY STEPS! God says (Luke 16:10) that when we are faithful with the little things, that we can be trusted with much. All we have to do is a bunch of “little faithful things” consistently across our lives to end up with MUCH?!?!?! What a freeing idea. Not too overwhelming and very doable!!!
So today…if you are not interested in setting giant goals but you are interested in “well-formed” outcomes, may I invite you to embrace this simple idea of “BABY STEPS?" One of my new goals is to read through the Chronological Bible in one year. But today, I just read my Bible portion. I can't wrap my mind around eating the entire elephant but I can just read my assigned Bible portion for this day. And if I don’t even get that done, I give myself GRACE roll up my sleeves and start again tomorrow!
I invite you to join me! Big dreams starting with baby steps. Yes, we can take each day, each hour with anticipation for great things!
~Roxanne Parks
Conviction: A kind Invitation
We sat across the table over tea, and Dee Ann said, “What if the conviction we feel from God is really just a kind invitation from Him?”
The word “invitation” has changed everything for me. When Jesus captured my heart at 19 years old, I was honestly convinced that He loved me more than anyone. I don’t mean that in a prideful kind of way. I just was so keenly aware of how much I had been forgiven of, and our relationship was so tender and alive. Some say that you get your image of God through your earthly Father, and mine was the best. I was Daddy’s girl, and he was my biggest fan, so I assumed my heavenly Father had the same disposition towards me.
I don’t know when it happened over the next 20 years of walking with my Jesus. It must have been a slow and silent seeping of the lies into my heart. They went undetected until, at 44 years old, I didn’t want anything to do with this God I once loved. He was harsh, wrathful, and certainly was disappointed with me. Of course, I would never tell ANYONE that He felt that way about them. God is love. He is forgiving. He is FOR you. But not me.
You see, I had been given so much. I have a godly heritage, education, a husband who loves Jesus and loves me, six beautiful children, a lovely home, and even a really sweet dog. The least I could do is have my quiet time without fail, be the perfect wife, perfect mom (homeschool mom at that!), the most helpful daughter, have the cleanest house, do all the ministry things, be an awesome friend with all the right words at the right time, write all the thank you notes, and look fabulous doing it all. Except I was failing at all of it. I regularly said to myself, “Why can’t you just be awesome, Karna?” So obviously, God was disappointed.
But one day, I saw and experienced The Invitation: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30 NLT)
So what if what we interpret as conviction, commands, and corrections, are really kind invitations from our Jesus to something better? To be in His presence. To peace. To ease. To rest.
It changes everything. How will you RSVP to this invitation? I say yes, Lord, I am coming to you. I am ready to receive, accept and rest.
~Karna Atkinson
Taking Offense?
Years ago, I asked the Lord to show me all the places that I had an “offendable heart”. I thought this would be an exercise in Christian maturity. Little did I know. Never could I have realized the extent to which there are opportunities to take offense until I opened my eyes to see such. Today, I can recognize an “offendable heart” so quickly. In myself. In others. Taking an offense is rampant on the news, in social media and in our homes. An easily offendable heart can destroy relationships.
Offense can be defined as something that outrages the moral or physical senses, the act of displeasing or affronting.Everyone is certain to feel offended at one point or another. The problem with living offended is that it doesn't hurt someone else… it hurts you. Like unforgiveness and bitterness, offense is a poison that we choose to drink only hoping that the other person, our offender, will be affected. Just because we have the right to be offended doesn’t mean that we should be offended. I desperately want a life that is truly free and “floats above” an offense. At peace with all men.
Generally, we experience offense in two stages. Stage one is actually feeling the offense. Maybe your pulse starts to rise, your emotions may rise, you may even get angry. Stage two is the choice whether or not to live offended. The resulting life impact of an offensive situation is my choice. It may sting but the continuing pain of the sting is my choice.
Typically, when people find themselves tired, stressed, hungry/hangry, or lonely they may be more easily offended. I love the way that Lysa Terkeurst says, “A depleted girl can quickly become a defeated girl when she lets her emotions dictate her reactions.” Whenever I am living in my self-centered nature, I tend to be more easily offended which is the ultimate display of me living in the center of my smaller story. When I am walking in the “Bigger Story” of God’s greater purposes, then I am not as easily offended.
The Word of God tells us that love COVERS a multitude of sin, and it is to a man’s glory to overlook an offense. Scripture also reminds us that a fool is easily annoyed and that the prudent man overlooks an insult. We must not forget that each of us can inadvertently offend others as well. It goes both ways. Do I want to be the victim of the offense? Do I want to stay a victim of the offense? We choose if we want to drink the poison. Are you easily annoyed? Being unoffendable is a healthy choice and a pathway to our own peace of mind. My pastor reminds us that “our lives are too short, and our callings are too great to be offended about something small.”
Do you easily forgive and overlook the offense? Or do you choose to wallow around in being easily offended?
Proverbs 19:11 Ephesians 4:2-3
~ Roxanne Parks
Tucking away Wisdom
My first memory of tucking away a principle of wisdom from an older woman in my life happened one afternoon on my Grammie’s couch. I asked her, “Grammie, who is your best friend?”
She immediately said, “Jesus.” A man I couldn’t see was not the answer I was looking for in my young faith, where the term “best friend” adorned the girl I played with most on the playground on any given day.
I responded, “Yes, but after Jesus?”
Grammie immediately responded, “Papa.”
Again, this response did not satisfy what I was looking for, so I asked again, “Yes, but after that?”
Without hesitation, she answered, “your mom.” And with that answer, I stopped asking questions. At that moment, a list of priorities was gifted to me. I learned that Jesus was a better friend than anyone here on earth. I knew that my future husband was the greatest relational treasure in this world. And I learned the priority of my family. It was simple and wise.
My Grammie was a woman full of joy and LAUGHTER. As a tiny girl, I remember thinking, “Grammie thinks everything is funny!” As I grew, I appreciated this rare quality more than almost anything. Everyone loved to be around my Grammie. Everyone. Her laughter was infectious, and her embodiment of a “gentle and quiet spirit” literally brought Jesus into every room she entered.
She gained wisdom as a woman who lived through The Depression and World War 2. She knew exhaustion and disappointment through difficulties in childbirth and being a working mother. For decades, she learned the joy of quiet faithfulness by teaching the children’s Sunday school class every week. She sought wisdom from on high while sitting with her husband at the kitchen table over coffee, the Bible, and prayer each morning. It was her over 84 years of life that gave weight to her words when she said, “It’s going to be alright.” She knew that her Savior, now my Savior is indeed faithful. This tested faith gives faith to me, a younger woman, to press on towards the prize: Christ Jesus, Grammie’s best friend.
~Karna Atkinson
Philippians 3:12-14