A weapon for good: The Benefit of the Doubt
Years ago, I made a decision to give others the benefit of the doubt, to believe the best in them before assuming the worst. That decision brings a lot of freedom to relationships. It was a choice to wrap my heart around the child-like faith that people aren’t trying to behave poorly, trying to get it wrong, or making stupid mistakes on purpose. Here are some definitions for “benefit of the doubt”:
1) The state of accepting something/someone as honest or deserving of trust even though there are doubts.
2) To default to a belief that another person’s intentions are honest, and not assume malice when there is uncertainty or doubt surrounding the circumstances.
3) To decide that you will believe someone, even though you are not sure that what the person is saying is true.
4) The withholding of judgment so as to retain a favorable or at least neutral opinion of someone or something when the full information about the subject is not yet available.
5) A favorable judgment granted in the absence of full evidence.
I might behave poorly but I never intentionally choose poor behavior. Why would I assume that of others? When you give people the benefit of the doubt it allows you to believe the best in others and it brings out the best in yourself. Any of us can have bad days that can lead to bad moments. Life is not perfect, and none of us are either.
Giving people the benefit of the doubt can help offset our offendable hearts. It takes us out of the center of our small story and everything being about us. It is a way that we can honor others, even when they may not deserve it. I am simply giving away the gift of grace that God has given to me. And we cannot outgive the Gift-Giver. Do I really think that a friend running late, someone cancelling plans, my husband not emptying the dishwasher, or another spouting a short, hurtful comment or having a bad moment is really some plan against me? The truth is that all of their behaviors are for reasons other than me. It isn’t a plot to irritate my heart.
If we are to obey the Lord and love the way that scripture tells us to, then we are to never give up hope that we are all learning and becoming better. The Lord loves us unconditionally and is so patient with us. He sees our sinful nature and still chooses to extend us grace and new mercies every morning. Don’t you think it’s time we gave each other a break and cut each other some slack? Imagine the peace if we all started extending the benefit of the doubt. Our offendable heart is a tool of the enemy to rob us of better, more fulfilling relationships. Let go of the offense!
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:7 (ESV)
~Roxanne Parks
